Dear Santa,
I am
writing a letter to you because I want you to know what I want this Christmas.
I don’t think I believe in you, but
I think I am a little drunk tonight to be thinking straight. So here goes… hope
you understand my handwriting though because whoever thought about arranging
these alphabets on my keyboard didn’t do a great job.
I’m putting a stone in my pocket right
now to remember to send this letter to Santa from the North Pole and not to
Santa Singh. I don’t know how Santa Singh can bear to be the brunt of all the
jokes. If I were in his place I would kill myself or rather drown my sorrows in
booze. Talking about booze; let me fill my glass, after I finish it.
Ahhh, that’s better. Now where
were we? Oh yeah, what I want for Christmas is…. But first tell me how you are
going to deliver it. Let me tell you how to get to my house the easiest way. I
think the easiest way for you would be by telling you the closest chimney to my
house, looking at the way you make deliveries. Well, on the outskirts of my
town – he-he outskirts is a funny word – there is big distillery with two big
chimneys. Just south of these chimneys across the creek is my village. You will
find a huge glow sign advertising beer and in the adjacent street there is a
Wine shop. Going southwards from the wine shop you will reach a bar from where
you need to go leftwards till you reach Marianna’s Pub. Don’t get confused,
they don’t serve alcohol in there, it’s only a coffee bar. Anyways, just behind
that compound where I recycle my empty bottles there is a wishing well. I have
thrown many a coin while coming home with none of my wishes coming true. Just
ignore the church on the right and you will have reached my house. All this
talk about bars has made me thirsty. Where’s my glass?
That better. Okay, now please
don’t try climbing in from my backyard, because of my neighbour’s dog. He is a
very talkative dog and tries to communicate in his language which we do not
understand. But I think you would understand because you can talk to your
reindeer friends. So do tell it that I don’t understand its language, especially
when I come home drunk.
Do just keep an eye for me along
the way you came. I sometimes like to rest till I’m ready for another
drink. Also to avoid my neighbor’s dog I
sometimes sleep outside the fence, so if you find me at these places you can directly
deliver my gift to me. Did I tell you I don’t have a chimney in my house? Anyways delivery is your problem. So I’m
going to get straight to what I want for Christmas. Let me make a drink first.
I was wondering how big a gift
can you deliver. But before I go into that and forget, let me just put my
signature first or else you won’t know whom to send the gift to. I will tell
you what I want for Christmas in the postscript. Hehe, what do u know, there is
a stone in my pocket.
Cheers,
XXX
PS: What I want for Christmas is
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