How to lose
a cellphone in 10 ways
*NOTE: NO PHOTOS IN THIS BLOG; ALL PICTURES ARE ADVERTISEMENTS.
Genre - Fiction
Sub-genre - Comedy
Length of blog - 1000 words
Aish was the last person to
respond to any message or call and often never even responded. He was the last person to buy a
cellphone too. Even his mother watched YouTube videos, but he continued to watch his sport channels on the telly.
“Please buy a phone”, everyone who
met him said.
So when finally did, he landed buying
a phone with a 3.5mm jack.
“At least I can use it to hear music”, he said.
All on the basketball court had smiles as they
heard the news. Their regular weekend evening game leading to drinks at a local
bar. Aish not being used to a cellphone, had left it on the table and walked out after paying
the bill split between the guys.
Deb put it in his pocket, “He has to learn", he said.
All nodded.
Aish was unreachable the next couple of
weeks. When he showed up three weeks later at the basketball court, he had a
new phone. No one asked if it was new, and Aish never said anything too. Deb who
was not a regular was absent that day. The regular guys whom he had drinks with
teased Aish about losing his new phone, so soon. They had forgotten Deb had flicked
the phone.
After a couple of weeks again Aish fell off the
radar.
“What to tell you mahn, I lost my phone again, left
it in the taxi”, Aish said after the game.
That very night Aish slept on
the pavement below his apartment building. He was too drunk to climb up the
stairs. He realized his phone was missing from his pocket. He was thankful that he never carried a wallet.
The next one fell into the toilet
and was tanked.
“I tell you years ago, I found a
phone in the floods that took place in 2010”, Aish continued telling his sad
tale to his drinking buddies, “This is karma!”
“And what did you do to the
phone”, Deb said.
“Sold it. Hence karma is biting
me in the backside”,Aish said.
Aish began to count the
cellphones he had lost in the past six months.
“Wait”, Deb said, “Your first phone
is not lost, it is with me.”
“What?” Aish said.
“Yes I had put it in my pocket
to teach you a lesson. I had forgotten about it until now”, Deb said.
All the friends had to speak up
to control the situation.
“How could you forget a phone for
six months”, Aish said.
“I was drunk, plus you did not
ask anyone of us, one of us would’ve told you about me having your phone. I am
surprised you did not speak about it.” Deb said.
Two-phone-Aish was short lived. One
was lost in the taxi to work, or so he thought and the second at lunch, within
two weeks.
“I think there is a kleptomaniac
at work”, Aish said to his drinking buddies, who had a hearty laugh.
The next week, as winter arrived
Aish and his basketball clique made a bonfire with drinks on the house.
“Hey! my phone is missing”. Aish
said suddenly out of the shadows of the night.
All laughed before putting their
head down to search for it. One guy called Aish’s cellphone.
“No luck”, he said.
“What’s this in the fire”, Aish
said.
He had been tending to the bonfire
and the cellphone had slipped out of his pocket and he himself in the darkness had
pushed it into the fire with his leg, thinking it was a briquette.
All laughed, a video was made as
if they were reporting live.
Aish had started to think he was
jinxed by the cellphone Gods because he did not use the cellphone as a
cellphone when on Christmas vacation at his native place he again found his cellphone gone.
“I had kept it on the dashboard”,
Aish continued pointing to the car driver and couple of relatives in the
backseat.
“Are you sure you did not
misplace it in the restaurant we just left”, the driver, a friend replied.
“Badagboodooogbadagboodooogbadagboodoog”,
a cellphone rang in the backseat.
“Hello”, it was his cousins
phone ringing, “yes, … yes, …yes.”
The cousin ended the call.
“We are in luck; a good Samaritan
has found your cellphone at the curb near the hotel”
“So that is how I missed losing
another cellphone”, Aish told his basketball buddies back in the bar in January.
“My cousin who is a rash driver
had taken the curb at speed and my cellphone went flying out the open window,
off the dashboard”, Aish continued, “My cousin blamed a bump in the road, but
thanks to the good person who returned it or else it would’ve been my seventh
phone in a year.”
“Maybe the cellphone Gods are
now pleased with me.”
But he lost that phone before
the year was up.
“In the taxi”, Aish said. His
short answer to the question on why he was not answering the phone, and had he
lost another one? Hysterical laughter followed.
“Maybe”, Deb said,” You need to
be more responsible, maybe get an expensive phone that you will be extra
careful of.
Deb landed up with an EMI on his
credit card, but no phone. It was stolen from his bag. The gaping slit cut in
his bag, proof of it.
“Would you want to buy a
screen-guard with it sir”, the salesman at the mall continued, “It comes with a
two year warranty.
Aish let out a low laugh.
“My cellphones don’t last that
long. I am still paying of the EMI for my last cellphone” , Aish said.
The salesclerk looked at Aish’s
face unfazed. Aish looked at the salesman name tag and his face lit up.
“Do you have any of these sold
at the store?” Aish said.
The salesclerk looked at the
noose around his neck.
“I remember that when I was in school,
I used to lose a lot of pencils and erasers, so, my grandfather had tied cords
around them and made me wear them to school one day”, Aish said.
Aish never lost another
cellphone. And one could identify him from afar, by the cellphone dangling
around his neck.
-=-=-=- THE
END -=-=-=-
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